2020: Comin' in Hot

It's been a while.

A long while.

I know, I know. Guilty as charged.

I can give you excuses, but at the end of the day, it all boils down to a few things. Confidence & Denial. I lacked one while the other overtook my thoughts.

I finished The Chicago Marathon and deep down, I knew I possibly shouldn't have even started the race. I was worried about the damage I had done to both of my hamstrings. Recovery after Chicago proved that I was definitely fit, in shape. But.. both of my hamstrings never bounced back like I needed them to. I was starting to think I wasn't ever going to run the way I used to. I lacked any confidence in myself and felt like my best days were behind me.

I put my running shoes aside for a while. I convinced myself that rest was all they needed. I hit the pool 5 days a week. I started biking much more, 3-4 days a week. Running was cut down to 1-2 days a week, and very very slow. If I use different muscles around them while they recover, this is the same, right? WRONG. I was in denial that I needed anything other than rest.

Thanksgiving weekend came around and I had the opportunity to lace up my running shoes 3 separate times at local fun runs. And I did. And let me tell you, it was a huge mistake. By the time the 3rd race morning came around, it took everything I had to put any sort of hop to my step when the gun went off. My hamstrings were screaming. Violently. With such rage. So many people asked me, "How'd you feel!? Isn't it great to be running again!?" I don't know if I thought I was telling the truth or what, but I realize now I was in denial. "Yea, it was great! I loved it!" Deep down I knew, something had to be done.

This past year there was the shortest amount of time between Thanksgiving and Christmas, and Rob and I were scheduled to head out of town on the 27th of December for our Honeymoon in Cozumel, Mexico. I knew my journey to healthy run legs was going to have to wait until we returned. In the meantime, I found my massage therapist and begged her to help relieve some of the tension, knots, and scar tissue that I had built up in my hamstrings. Every session with her was helpful, but not 100% what I needed.

I came home from Mexico and the search began. I had heard many times of people going to see Denise Smith at Smith Physical Therapy and Running Academy.   BFF and coaches wife Jacqui is her biggest cheerleader, so I decided to give her a call. The last thing I wanted was to go to a doctor have them tell me to "stop running" or "you need XYZ and it doesn't look good." But at this point I just wanted to run the way I know I could. I was tired of always being in some sort of pain. I needed help.

Spoiler Alert: At one point, Jacqui and I had back to back appointments 💖

I walked into her office on day 1 and spent 30 minutes telling her everything. Literally, from day 1 when I first noticed issues with my left hamstring (training for Grandma's Marathon in 2018) all the way to present day, where both my hamstrings felt like rubber bands about to snap at any moment. I gave her all the details, probably more than she bargained for. She sat and nodded, took notes, smirked, and asked me ALL the questions.

Meg: "So, how bad do I sound? How broken am I?"
Denise: "Honestly, you sound very typical. And this can be fixed. I don't want you to stop running." 

You wanna talk about music to my ears!? Holy sh*t, this woman gets me.

A few other things she said:

1. Time. The hamstring is one of the hardest muscles to heal when injured, and it can take a LONG time. Patience is key.

2. That said, consistency. Keep up with everything I tell you to do. Even after the pain is gone.

3. Strength. You can't be apposed to strength work. Because of how the hard the hamstring has to work, at some point it's going to rely on all the little muscles around it for help. All of those muscles need to be strengthened in order to keep all systems working.

4. Flexibility. If you don't understand the value in what seems like a "minor" stretch and how it translates to the run, this will be difficult. 

I left her office after our first consult and was ready to start getting to work tomorrow. We created our schedule, once a week on Monday evenings at 6pm until further notice. I have spent Monday after Monday with Denise teaching me different stretches I didn't know were stretches, that stretch muscles I didn't know existed {caveat, HOLY HELL DID THEY HURT.} We moved onto minor strength work that put me out of commision for a day or 2 because apparently I'm weaker than I thought? She always spends the last 10-15 minutes working on my hamstrings and lower back, digging deep with her thumb or even busting out her famous cups. 

This was super weird

It was a feeling like I've never felt before

I always leave her office feeling a combination of relief with my progress and slightly overwhelmed with how much homework I have to add to my plate. But every run I've had since day 1 with her has progressively gotten better and better. Fast forward to present day, and my stretches no longer burn like hell and I can perform any strengthening exercise with confidence knowing that the next day I'll still be able to run.

Added Bonus: she's your biggest cheerleader 😉

Let's set the record straight. I'm not 100% yet. I still have my moments that remind me I'm not "healed" entirely. But I have turned a HUGE leaf from 3 months ago. I don't skip speed workouts. I have run the super hilly March Madness course 3 separate times this spring and each time I've recovered similar to years past. There were times in the past 3-5 months I've struggled to get through a simple recovery run because I've woken up in so much pain. Mileage has decreased drastically since Chicago. But since seeing Denise, I have officially run 3 consecutive 30+ mile weeks in a row now. And if I'm being honest, I'm simply over the moon about it. 

So, here we are. 1 week out from the unofficial start to the season {March Madness Half Marathon} and my legs are officially back in working order. I'd like to say I plan on truly racing March Madness next weekend, but I'm not sure what will happen. It's looking to be seasonably cold day with possible snow. If my legs show up on race day, then I'm gonna roll with it. But if they don't..? Well, let's just put it this way... I've got to much riding on my season to ruin any chances I have of Ironman-ing in 2020. That's right... you read that right. Ironman. I didn't get the chance last year. And I missed it terribly. And now that I have the confidence I've needed for quite a while, I'm planning on making up for lost time.

Hope you're ready. I'm planning to wear down my keyboard and lock you all into my journey this year with all my racing endeavours. 

Cozumel, Mexico
January 2020

And I'm takin' my husband/spectathlete with me. Cheers!

Comforts & Fears, Highs & Lows, Success & Failure

Social media these days is oozing with everyone's success stories.

"I'm engaged!"

"My kid made the honor roll, I'm so proud!"

"Look at all the fun I'm having on vacation with my friends and family!"

And rightfully so. No one wants to air their dirty laundry in public. I'm guilty of it too. It's natural to want to share your most joyful moments with the world. But once in awhile, a little truth never hurt no one.

It's no secret that my life has been a tornado these past 3 months. Of course I decided that the beginning of the triathlon season would be the most perfect time to move and start a new job, all while racing and training for 2 pretty important races that are rapidly approaching in September. My life is far from glamorous. The standard weekday starts around 4:30-5am with a workout, followed by a full 9-10 hour day of work that involves finding a different sense of focus to learn and educate myself in a field I've never experienced before. But I'm gaining a sense of accomplishment and respect I've never had in the workplace before. As soon as I'm done learning (working) for the day, I head out for workout number 2. To say I sleep like a baby at night would be an understatement.

Weekends consist of a bit more sleep, catch up sleep if you will. (If you can consider 6am sleeping in.) But by 7am I've mounted my bike for some serious road time. Mark and I depart Crystal Lake and venture off into the farmlands of Marengo, Hebron, & Union. Once in awhile the Barrington Hills call our name, and we make the best of our least favorite 25 mile loop. Occasionally we've been known to make pit stops at our favorite General Store in Greenwood for a fresh espresso. We've also detoured and found ourselves doing laps around Lake Geneva. Or better yet, climbing the mountains in Madison, Wisconsin.

Climbing big hills with Team RyBread in Madison

Because bikes and coffee just mix

New Team Wattie kits! #rocktheW

By the time Sunday morning arrives, my feet struggle to hit the floor in the morning. Everything is stiff and aching. Right, but Sunday is the day of rest. Not in the world of triathlon. I generally save my long run for mid day, giving my legs a chance to wake up a bit before I force them into an uncomfortable pace for 12-15 miles.

Like I said, it's a far from glamorous decision I've made. And I understand that. This is a decision I've made and I wouldn't trade it for anything. The day to day lifestyle of this sport isn't pretty, but the glimore of success on race day makes all that sacrifice well worth it. But Megan, what about your family? And Rob? That's so much time away! You're right, it is. But my family knows what I'm not without the sport of triathlon. I'm not Megan, I'm not their daughter, I'm not me. And Rob, he's the first one to understand. And right now, we're living opposite lives, literally. He's currently working the night shift 6-7 nights a week. Our goal is to spend every Saturday night together, and we're lucky if we get that opportunity. Our lives are literally pulling us in opposite directions right now, but our hearts couldn't be closer, supporting each other and understanding that isn't "forever." I need him to know that all the time I spend working out is for a reason, and with an end goal I hope to achieve one day. Just like I need to understand that he will likely be called into work at the last minute on a random Saturday night, ruining any plans we may have had.

PSA: I own more than workout clothes and Rob sees the daylight once in a while 😍

Rob won't be working the night shift forever. Just like I won't be racing triathlon forever. What!? Megan, YOU WON'T BE RACING FOREVER!? Shocker, right? I'm 29 years old, about to turn 30 in less than 3 weeks. A "spring chicken" as many at work call me. They're right, I'm young still. However, I've been running since I was in the 5th grade, never taking more than a few days off at a time. But I've been beating my body up pretty steadily for the last 10 years now. There comes a point when you wonder how long your body allow you to compete at the level you hope for. Waking up every day brings a new ache and pain, one that I hope is a result of a tough workout. But the older I get, the longer those aches and pains linger, making me wonder when my "old age" will come into play in this sport. On the super bad days, you start to think, "hell, maybe I've hit my peak already?" I do the best I can to recover as quickly as possible, I fuel my body properly, and I'm as focused as they come. But nothing can out play the plans that are already set for you.

Megan, are you going somewhere with this? I promise, I am. This summer I've stepped outside of my comfort zone more than ever. In all aspects of life. But when it comes to Swim, Bike, Run, I've been questioning myself lately. Ryan has done his job more than I could ever ask of him and has pushed me to my limits this summer. But my body and mind don't seem to be on the same level. One bad workout these days can send me spiraling down into a mental grave that Ryan has to dig me out of about once a week. But Megan, you've had bad workouts before! You are such a realistic person and know that those days are going to happen! Yes, you're right. But I'm allowed my bad days too ya know. In 3 short weeks, I'm about to be faced with the challenge of swimming UPSTREAM for approximately 900 meters, followed by literally climbing a mountain on a road that resembles a corkscrew, and then running 13 miles with an elevation map that looks more exciting than some roller coasters (props to Rob for that one!). I'm confident I can handle all 3 of these challenges... one at a time. But all strung together? Cue Megan's once a week freakout sessions: 

"Ryan, I've been swimming like crap lately. I'm never gonna even make it out of the water for Worlds. Literally I'm going to be pushed backwards." 

"Ryan, I just struggled through an easy indoor spin on the trainer. How am I expected to climb a frickin' mountain when I can't even spin my legs out INSIDE?"

"Ryan, I feel like I've never ran a day in my life and I'm 50+ lbs overweight. If I ever make it to the top of these hills I will be forced to roll myself down them." 

Yeah, he's gotten all of this plus more over the last couple of months. What it comes down to is this:

1. Lately, I have more fears than comforts. I fear a bike crash more than ever. But that's because I've allowed myself to get a bit more aggressive on the bike and do things I promised myself I'd never do. I fear a calf cramp in the upstream swim in 3 weeks because I'm going to have to kick so hard just to make it out of the water alive. I fear the thought of walking up a hill crossing my mind because I'll be damned if I'm going to be competing against the best in the world and WALK up a goddamn hill. I fear being one of the last to cross that finish line because in the back of my mind I know that my qualification was a roll-down slot, so maybe I'm not truly meant for this race? Call me crazy, but the realist in me has thoughts like this running through my mind on repeat multiple times a day.

2. My highs are just as high as my lows are low. And they come equally. Four days ago I was texting Ryan about how unconfident I am in this sport lately. I feel I'm running out of steam. It's taking more and more energy to keep my spirits up when I start to falter, and I'm running on E more than ever. In the same breath, I woke up on Saturday morning and had my most successful 100 mile ride to date. I hopped off that bike and logged 4 miles on the run and never felt better. The ride was far from flat, touching the high and low end of Bull Valley, the high point of Lake Geneva, and ending the day with a double climb up Deerpass and Collins Road in Marengo. I'd be lying if I said I wanted to stop my ride when I did. I immediately texted Ryan about my workout high and he responded to me, "I'm sorry, this is the same girl that claims she's terrible at triathlon?" Yup. That's me.

3. In order to succeed, one must fail. Isn't funny how at certain stages of life you have a pretty good idea of where you'll be in the next year? Or the next 5? And how often is it that that plan actually plays out and your life looks exactly as you had planned. Spoiler alert: it never does. And neither does this sport. I can't believe how far I've come in this Swim Bike Run world. But I also can't believe how much farther I still have to go. I've had failed workouts this summer. Failed races. Hell, I've had failed days in general where workouts don't even make it to the table. (One of those being yesterday. I never made it to the lake for my open water swim because my lower extremities told me if I attempted to do anything besides sit with a cup of coffee in hand, they'd likely seek revenge on me in the form of injury.) And all of those failed experiences are necessary to get me where I want to be. I've got more lessons to learn and miles to log (all while consuming as much red meat and craft beer to fuel those miles as possible).

Spot. On.

So there's my confession. I'm fearful and running away from comfort zones, all while experiencing as many successes and failures as I can during my times of highs and lows. There's your dose of honesty and reality from me. 

The next time we meet, it'll be almost go-time 😉 #worldshereicome

Race Ready

I swore when I signed up for Ironman Wisconsin back in September of 2013 that this would be a "one and done" kind of experience. Over the years since then, I've learned that I was the only one who thought so. Apparently those closest to me know me better than I know myself. Because here I am, 4 years later and I'm 10 days out from Ironman #5 (spoiler alert, #6 is on the 2017 calendar already too). I can't help myself really. There's something about the thrill of pushing my limits and the rush of crossing that finish line.

Crossing the Ironman finish line for the first time.
The 2nd, 3rd, and 4th time were just as exhilerating

It's been a hell of a winter, to say the least. I told Ryan after the Indianapolis Marathon was over that I was ready to put on my big girl pants and put in some serious work on the bike. And let me tell you, my world was completely flipped upside down. I wobbled off the bike after every single workout from December until March. I spent more time with my head down praying for the 15 seconds of hell at 160% of my FTP to be over. Only so I could spend 30 seconds recovering before the process started over at 170% of FTP. And then, the climbing. I swear, I climbed Everest this winter. So we'll just leave at this, Matilda and I bonded quite well this off season.

After one of our many 3+ hour bonding sessions this winter. Sweat rags and empty bottles galore.

Part of the bike recovery process was testing my limits in the pool. I told myself a while ago that this was going to be the winter I conquered the flip turn. And that I did. I SLOWLY started attempting to flip 5-10 times before and after my workouts after the 2016 season ended in August. In the beginning I felt nauseous and disoriented every single time. But the more I took myself out of my comfort zone, the more I created a new comfort zone. Before the New Year hit, I was officially comfortable flip turning and could do it without thinking twice. And guess what? It really does make you faster. My lung capacity has grown incredibly. My core is noticeably stronger. I also spent some one on one time with Ryan so he could point out a few flaws that needed correcting. Add on the fact that my recovery time within my sets was planned for less and less, and the next thing you know my warm-up pace is something I struggled to hold for longer than 100 yards a year ago.

Everyday getting closer to being a real swimmer!

And when I wasn't falling off my bike in the stationary position in the basement or pretending not to drown from taking in a metric shit ton of water up my nose in the pool from a poorly executed flip turn, I was running. And loving every second of my peace and serenity. I was so focused on improving my bike and my swim that I never truly felt that my run was moving forward. Instead, I felt like it was just staying still. Not getting worse, or making any huge strides. And it was, if you just looked at the numbers. But my bike intensity has recently skyrocketed, along with my swim. My body was truly being put to the test. And my run didn't suffer. Meaning, in some way, I was improving on the run. If my legs could still maintain a decent pace after the beating on the bike, imagine what kind of speed they'd give me when they're fresh!

My not so fresh legs carried me to a course PR at the March Madness Half Marathon

It's been a pretty eventful winter. We started the year off at the S-NO-W Fun Run in Lake Geneva.. (Where obviously the race is the most important part.)

Post-run, Pre-party!

No, we don't know the other people in this photo.
No one seems to remember why this happened either.

Oh right, maybe that's why..

And then of course we all got serious and hunkered down for some long group rides at Sammy's bike shop, with brunch to immediately follow of course: 

We're all about that F-U-N

And when there wasn't a group ride, I always had my furry sidekick to keep me company: 

Secret: She hates being trapped in the basement while I ride

I may have made a few bike accessory upgrades as well. I'll offer this sneak peak at my new aero helmet:

This is definitely more aero than my last helmet.

And when the winter got a little to wintry, the pool saw me more often than not:

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming :)

But last weekend, SPRING officially arrived and now you can't keep me inside, ever:

#RyBreadRacing

I took Matilda (my bike, in case you weren't sure) out for her 2017 Maiden Voyage on Sunday. The first outdoor ride of the year is always nerve racking for me. The comfort of a TV screen in front of me with my nutrition on a nifty bar stool to my left is suddenly removed and I'm out in the elements, ready to put my hard work to the test. But alas, the first ride of the year is done. And now I'm ready to focus my nervous energy on race day.

One of these is not like the other? Oops, my bad. 

Last year, Jacqui, Ryan and I conquered the Texas heat, twisting bike bike course, and of course, the weather:

Because pictures are a great way to make sure you packed everything in your transition bag

But this year, we're bringing friends! Fellow RyBread Racers and Lake Placid Housemates, the TOMATOS, will be joining in on the challenges that racing in Texas may bring:

Y'all are probably not gonna want those sweatshirts on race morning..

And yes, we all remember this moment from Ironman Texas just under a year ago:

Praying this isn't a repeat occurance

Jacqui and I have our flights booked for Wednesday the 19th to meet Ryan, Rob, Nate, & Trina in The Woodlands. But in a very recent turn of events, I might be boarding that flight solo. After a recent Spring Break trip to Boulder, Colorado, Jacqui is facing yet another injury and is still undecided if racing is her smartest option. Selfish Megan wants her to be in The Woodlands more than anything, because this sport is what has drawn us closest. And race day won't be the same without her. But Realistic Megan knows that if she decides not to race, she's making the smartest decision and setting herself up for an even bigger comeback. (Seriously, I pity the women that have to race against her when she's healthy.) If you're interested in the details to her story, you can read about it here.

You have no idea how much I want to re-create this picture next week.

In January I laid out some pretty lofty goals. At the time, thinking them made me squirm. But after the hay that's been put in the barn this winter, I can officially say with confidence, I'm ready to watch them play out. I'm ready to do what I love while my favorite Spectathlete dodges every obstacle thrown his way to make sure he finds me on that course. I'm ready to race.

Everything's faster in Texas

Goals.

Even thinking about writing this gives me anxiety.

"Yeah Megan, we know, everyone gets anxious."

Right. But my type of anxiety has been known to go to extremes. If I start crying and can't stop it's not because I'm that emotional, it's just that my body won't physically calm down. If I have something on my mind that I consider "serious" I won't sleep a wink and will likely be full of nervous energy until said issue is resolved (followed by a period of craaaaaazy intense sleep). My hands will become ice blocks and will noticeably shake for an unknown amount of time. The list of symptoms goes on. But what I'm about to do? This qualifies as OMGMEGANWHYAREYOUGIVINGYOURSELFTHISADDEDSTRESS territory.

Goals are right up my alley. I'm a type A goal oriented person. But I also consider them to be very personal. And for the most part, I think a lot of people would agree. And frankly, it's really NO ONE'S business what I or anyone else strives for in life. Goal: the object of a person's ambition or effort; an aim or desired result. (Thanks Google.) They can say great things about who a person is. I've heard over and over again that if your goals don't scare you they're not big enough. Spoiler alert: my goals scare the shit out of me. And sharing them with others can help keep you accountable. Spoiler alert: I give myself enough grief when I don't reach the goals I set for myself, no way do I need others coming down on me too. And of course they create motivation and can create a sense of encouragement when you share them with others. But goals can shift and you need to be flexible with your expectations. So overall, the whole "let's tell the world!" idea just doesn't sit well with me.

But the more I thought about it, the more I realized it's time to be uncomfortable more often. The day I gained enough courage to consider writing my goals down for the world to see, I ran across this article about chasing that big idea you're to scared to say out loud. It's about putting in the work, trusting the process, believing in your talents, and forgetting about the outcome. Don't think, just do. The author and I are actually fellow high school/college acquaintances {Go Gators! ILL-INI!}. We also happened to grow up approximately 2.5 blocks away from each other. He's far more creative than I and actually gets paid to write. And I can't thank him enough for giving me this simple read to bookmark on those days when I need a little reminder.

#truth

So I'm gonna try something new here. Let's talk about what I want to accomplish in a few short months at Ironman Texas.

"OMG MEGAN YOU'RE DOING IRONMAN TEXAS YOU NEVER TOLD US!"

Uhhhh yeah, I know I didn't. Part of the whole, nonyabusiness thing, remember? But I'm jumping into 2017 with 2 feet and ready to make myself a little uncomfortable. Ironman Texas was not on my initial radar when planning 2017. I've always had a secret desire to go back and race on the full 140.6 course and take my chances that the monsoon won't show up on race day. So when Jacqui started looking for her Kona 2017 qualifying race and said the word "Texas" was a possibility, my ears perked up. She had a couple of options on her plate, but just a few days before Christmas, Texas won. And if I was ever going have my 2nd chance at Texas, this was my window. So I jumped on it.

And here's what we intend for IMTX this time around:

• Rob, Jacqui, Ryan and I get to go back and hang out with our favorite Texas hosts, Aimee, Rob, and Dunkin.
• But we're not going alone... This year, our favorite night owls are coming with! Nate and Trina are Woodlands bound to tackle IMTX too :)
• Jacqui gets a shot at some redemption after last year's DNF
• Ryan will attempt to reclaim his title as the IMTX Overall Amatuer Winner 
• I hope to complete the race without ending up with a black eye due to golf ball sized hail (among other things, but we'll get there)

And here's what we plan on leaving out of the trip this time around: 

• Jacqui's pre-race bike crash 
• Me oversleeping and almost missing the race 
• The unforeseen hail storm that showed up around 3pm on race day.

So here we are. 14 weeks from race day. (Oh yeah, did I mention they moved the race to April this year?) And I have to get my butt into gear. And quick. Truly, my goals are more than "I hope it doesn't rain this year." Holy hell. Here goes nothing.


SWIM:

Last year on May 14th, the swim course was not wetsuit legal. I'm pretty sure the water hit 80+ degrees that morning making it similar to bathwater. I hopped out of the river and clocked 1:19 on the dot. Not where I wanted to be, but considering I didn't have a neoprene hug for 2.4 miles, I was pretty satisfied. Eight weeks later I swam the same distance in an equally calm body of water WITH a wetsuit in 1:15. So, in 14 short weeks, I'm banking on the water being less than 78 degrees due to the 1 month pre-mature race start so I get the free speed from the neoprene. Add in all the laps I've been logging lately and a couple tweaks on my swim form, and I'd like to see 1:10 or faster coming out of the water.

This year I hope to be pealing off my wetsuit

Bike:

So, last years bike course was NOT ideal. However, it was GRACIOUSLY accepted considering it was only approved 2.5 weeks before race day. The course itself had more turns than it did miles and and was short by 17 miles. I hopped off that bike averaging 19.4mph for the 95 mile course. And the last few months, the bike has been my biggest nemesis. It's currently the center of my love/hate relationship with this sport. I can't remember the last time I did a workout and stepped off the bike without stumbling. I'm pushing some watts I've never even dreamed of. My current Ironman bike PR is from Ironman Maryland coming in at 5:59, 18.7mph. All this said, let's be lofty, shall we? Who says I can't bike 112 miles at 20mph? 20mph for 112 miles puts me at a solid 5:35.

One of the 29485739 turns on the bike course last year

RUN:

Everyone knows all the poor decisions you make before the run shine bright on the run. Lack of nutrition, to much nutrition, over biking, etc. This is what I like to call separating the men from the boys. And honestly, I'm still not sure which category I fall into. But what I do know is that my run off of the bike has improved 10 fold since IM number 1 in Madison almost 3 years ago. The more I run in the heat the more I surprise myself, which will hopefully serve me well hopping off the bike mid-afternoon at the end of April. I recently broke the 4 hour curse at the Indianapolis Monumental Marathon in November. But, can I break the curse off the bike? That's right, you heard me. On April 22nd, it's sub 4 or bust.

This picture gets me every time. 

So where does that put me?


1:10 Swim + 5:35 Bike + 4 Run = 10:45 plus transitions.


Let's crack 11 hours.

But let's leave out the blurry & soggy mess this time?